Life has been rather stagnant lately. It's like your bones have stopped growing any further and you wouldn't get any taller. It's like you are pretty much done with that list of to-dos that people around had made for you and now that you are done , you feel a little lost. And then you realize that while you were busy executing the things in those list, you didn't bother making a secret list of your own. That's where I am now. I am done with surviving school and college without flunking , graduation (though I don't think I have much idea of what I did those 4 years..I faintly remember the word diode and how electrons and protons starting from opposite directions at certain speeds(velocity?) met at an undecided (or decided) spot to become(?) neutrons ???)), job (wonder if job is called so because it's a monotonous seemingly automated activity that runs periodically like a cron job :-| ) marriage, kid, house..Well, now that most important things have been taken care of , I get an apparent feeling that my life has come to a logical end and that probably a new life has to start.
I am trying to compile this new to-do list and I'd love to pick and choose couple of things from the previous - a) love b) kid . Both of these bring in a great deal of satisfaction and completeness. The previous list , If you had noticed has "marriage" and the new list has "love". I don't remember anybody (from the old world so as to speak) ever telling - "You gotta find your love". They always said- "You need to have security - mostly financial- that comes in with a man who has a good source of income and no other wives". I want to tell my children - "Go find your love, and then most likely you will have a breakup but that's okay because your real love is just around the corner after your next few loves :)) )
I try calling my old friends (old is kind of redundant here because I never made many new friends after the old ones) and see that they are (like me) fairly stuck in the treachery of this vicious life. Life is literally sucking the life out of everyone. Most are trying to make ends meet ( as in work, kids and family) and soon before we realize, we'd all be frail old bones (a few of which I remember hanging in the biology lab) and fun and adventure would be far beyond us.
So when was the last time I got a real kick ? When I wrote a complicated piece of code that changed the world ? No way (!!!) ..When I was served a glass of Frooty with Brandy? (God, that was terrible!)..The point is I don't remember ..I think the adrenalin walked out of my door sometime back .. I know people who have been starting up their own firms and I think that's great but I think that will never give me a high.However, what JK Rowling did gives me a high. I think she touched the life and heart of millions and millions in this world in a very different way. I secretly hope that I end up doing something similar to what she did.
Lots of office work piled up for the upcoming week and I guess my brain is freezing. It refuses to work..Hoping to write more in the coming days..